feelings...

Sometimes you try to escape from the past , to get over it, but deep inside, you know that you are stuck there forever, it will never change, nothing will change, our feelings will be the same and as hard as you try to find a way out, you realize that you are more and more absorbed in it, like a devasting power that gets every part of you, and the worst thing is that you are perfectly aware of it, but yet you can't change it...
Sometimes you try to pretend that you don't care, or that is not what it seems to be, but you know from the begining that you just lie to yourself, you can't change nothing now, it is all done, and as we all know, the past can't be changed, not even the future...you try to convince yourself that you are so strong, that you can do something, but you just can't...
You wish that you could close your eyes and everything just vanish like it never existed, but the feelings never vanish like that, they will be there forever, and they influence us forever, they change us, our perspective, our thoughts, everything...they change us...
how can just a minute change everything? How can just a second change a whole life? the decissions that you may have taken sometimes in your life...you think that if you would have known you would have made another choice, and them maybe everything would have been different, but there is no choice, you can't choose, because the fate had already chosen for you a long time before you have been in the position to think that you can choose...so what should you do now? you find yourself asking often...well maybe nothing, nothing at all, you just can try to live your life, although deep inside you, you are already dead...but at least for those who are near you it is worth trying to make their lifes better if yours is screwed up, you can try to bring happiness in others lifes, the happiness that you were not allowed to have for youself...